From the Desk of Mike

A place for the all the random, non-video game related things in my life.

amymebberson replied to your post: I have not seen my wife for a whole we…

god man, call Scott over one night & do stuff, I’m worried about you ;)

He was actually the last person I saw! If not for his socializing with me on Saturday, by now I would probably be hosting a tea party between my glassware and spice rack, which would just be awkward because the glasses would wind up drinking tea out of each other and it just gets all lewd and awkward.

But fear not! Tomorrow is the $5 free play night at Ground Kontrol, so I will be involved with people and games, and all will be well!

I have not seen my wife for a whole week now, and haven’t encountered another person in three days. I’ve begun to understand the notion behind cabin fever. I was concerned about my deteriorating mental state, but the bath towel told me not to worry about it, that everything’s going to be okay.

I’m having corned beef hash and rice for dinner and watching Fight Club, a movie I think everyone should see once in their life—not because it’s a good movie, which it is, but because some of the events that take place and Tyler Durden’s philosophies really make you think about life.

Man, I have been on a superhero movie kick something fierce lately. Today I popped Unbreakable in, which I’m watching with lunch. So good. I need to get this on Blu-Ray.

It’s easy to forget that before his “twist endings” became something of a schtick joke and he became associated with stuff like The Last Airbender and After Earth, M. Night Shyamalan made some damn good movies. It’s also easy to forget that Samuel L. Jackson played a huge role in a superhero movie long before he was Nick Fury.

Watching Iron Man on Blu-Ray over a lunch of Tuna Salad, Doritos, homemade sweet tea and cookies and cream wafers. Man, I just never get tired of watching Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. It doesn’t come close to soothing the balm that is my heart in this Nikki-less home, but it’s something.

"You’ve been called the DaVinci of our time. What do you say to that?"
"Ridiculous. I don’t paint."
"What about your other nickname, The Merchant of Death?"
"That’s not bad."

Lonely, empty life without Nikki, night three. Tonight’s dinner isn’t delivery, it’s Digiorno. But all is not despair, because Digiorno is a perfect lead-in to Almost Pizza, possibly the funniest commercial in modern SNL times.

Just discovered by wife while enjoying the ongoing adventure that is our old stuff in Louisiana: a set of Dirty Pair dolls that I bought at A-Kon in 1997 or 1998. According to the internet, they’re actually from 1985 and based on Affair on Nolandia, one of the first (possibly the first) anime we ever watched.
This is just blowing my mind right now. My memory of things I bought at A-Kon (and they were way too many, let’s face it) always focuses on Bubblegum Crisis stuff, and even my Black Lady vinyl model, but I had totally forgotten about these. Talk about a long-lost treasure!

Just discovered by wife while enjoying the ongoing adventure that is our old stuff in Louisiana: a set of Dirty Pair dolls that I bought at A-Kon in 1997 or 1998. According to the internet, they’re actually from 1985 and based on Affair on Nolandia, one of the first (possibly the first) anime we ever watched.

This is just blowing my mind right now. My memory of things I bought at A-Kon (and they were way too many, let’s face it) always focuses on Bubblegum Crisis stuff, and even my Black Lady vinyl model, but I had totally forgotten about these. Talk about a long-lost treasure!

After weeks of relative dryness, it rains today in Beaverton. As I weep for the start of my wife’s two-week trip, so too does the city.

Anonymous asked: Why does mozzarella not = cheese?

Before we get into this, you have to leave your scientific, even fascist definitions of “cheese” at the door. People will toss out terms like milk, and enzymes and culturing, that sort of thing. The bottom line, though is that mozzarella is not a cheese. To understand why, you have to look at what a cheese is.

Cheese’s  pungent odors slither through the air, creep up into your nostrils and kick you in the brain when you let your guard down. The quote-unquote “best” cheeses just happen, coincidentally, to smell like my foot after a hard day at the old-sock-wearing-factory. They taste sour and should be considered an actual crime against taste buds. The term “extra sharp” is applied to the strongest cheeses. I believe that adjective refers to the quality of knife you’ll want to stab yourself with.

Cream cheese is just cheese that tries to trick you into trying it by masquerading as a Cool Whip-type substance. (Never again!) Cottage cheese is, all possible joking aside, the single most disgusting food I have ever encountered, and I once watched a person eat natto. Someone once suggested I try it with pineapple. If you took just one of those tiny horrid, watery blob-things that make up cottage cheese and put it inside of an entire pineapple, that might work. But I’m not taking that chance.

Mozzarella is not a cheese by virtue of the duck test. It doesn’t have the foul odor, rancid taste or even texture of cheeses. Note its flexible, stringy appearance versus the crumbly or brittle consistency of “cheese.” Hold a chunk of mozzarella under your nose and sniff. Did your sinuses try to escape? No, because it’s not cheese. Pop some in your mouth. You can barely taste it! This is what makes it perfect on a pizza, where it serves more as a binding ingredient than anything else. Actual “cheeses” leave your taste buds wondering what they did that made you hate them so.

Provolone, similarly, is not a cheese, but that’s mainly because provolone actually is mozzarella. “Provolone” is a North Italian word meaning “mozzarella,” kind of like how they call it “pop” in South Dakota and “soda” in Maine. When the cheese was brought to America from Italy, no one corrected the mistaken identify because it meant they could sell twice as much cheese. That;s the only explanation.

My favorite part of reading about Dashcon so far is the sheer number of posts that use #Dashcon 2014 as a tag. It strikes me as highly optimistic of anyone that there might be a need to differentiate this Dashcon from any potential future Dashcons.

Thank you to the many, many people who sent me such warm birthday wishes today, as well as those of you who drew/are drawing things on the Goggles for me. You’re an excellent bunch of folks, I can see why Nikki keeps you around.

"Purchase Goat Simulator for myself" - truly a phrase I didn’t expect to see me committing to when I woke up this morning.

We’re going to see the Rifftrax of Sharknado tonight. Considering that Sharknado is a movie that practically makes fun of itself, if the universe implodes in a hail of recursiveness, you can blame Rifftrax.

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

This is actually a relatively well-known military tactic called the Abandoned or Empty Fort Strategy. The most famous usage of it was by Zhuge Liang (Kongming) when he basically frightened off his rival, Sima Yi, who was approaching with a vastly more powerful force. Zhuge Liang gave the orders to make the place look completely deserted except for a few sweeping servants, and he sat in plain view of the enemy army playing a musical instrument. He was so well-known for his tactics and for being so cautious, Sima Yi was certain that an ambush lay in wait, so he left without conflict.
As a side note, this is yet another reason why Three Kingdoms is one of the greatest books of all time, and I heartily recommend it to everyone who can handle juggling a whole bunch of Chinese names. Here’s an online link to a free version, although it can be clunky to navigate.

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source

back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.

So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.

The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.

Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.

did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

This is actually a relatively well-known military tactic called the Abandoned or Empty Fort Strategy. The most famous usage of it was by Zhuge Liang (Kongming) when he basically frightened off his rival, Sima Yi, who was approaching with a vastly more powerful force. Zhuge Liang gave the orders to make the place look completely deserted except for a few sweeping servants, and he sat in plain view of the enemy army playing a musical instrument. He was so well-known for his tactics and for being so cautious, Sima Yi was certain that an ambush lay in wait, so he left without conflict.

As a side note, this is yet another reason why Three Kingdoms is one of the greatest books of all time, and I heartily recommend it to everyone who can handle juggling a whole bunch of Chinese names. Here’s an online link to a free version, although it can be clunky to navigate.

(via frozencapybara)

kviri replied to your photo: “Sometimes I hate that my job has trained me to actively look for…”:
I can’t decide which is more telling: that my first reaction to this was “YES! IT’S NOT JUST ME! THANK YOU!” …or that my second reaction was “Huh, I wonder how wide the crust would have to be in order for the promo’s math to be correct.”

Well, I think the actual width of the crust (the size of the pie plate) follows the 30% guideline, but it wouldn’t necessarily be 100% pizza—unless you mean how thick the crust is. If so, it’s your lucky day because I did the math. Measuring our pizza, I found it to be half an inch thick, and about half of that was crust. In order to actually serve 100% more pizza with only 30% more diameter, the pizza needs to be 53% thicker than normal, or about another quarter inch. If that’s all crust, then the crust is essentially doubling in size to about half an inch—still not as thick as a pizza hut pan pizza, but a little more solid and less “fluffy” than that crust anyhow.

frozencapybara replied to your photo: “Sometimes I hate that my job has trained me to actively look for…”:
It’s not wrong if you assume that “serving size” is a variable based on group composition and circumstance and not a constant. Which is STUPID, but I have to think of these things to preserve my sanity.

You mean like someone performed an intensive psychological profile that says the kind of people who buy a family size are the kind who only take 2 slices instead of 3 and therefore would expect to be able to feed twice as many people with only 30% more pizza? I suppose that could be the answer. All I can say is that it’s a good thing the government doesn’t regulate pizza parlors like they do banks.

Sometimes I hate that my job has trained me to actively look for discrepancies in math.

Sometimes I hate that my job has trained me to actively look for discrepancies in math.